Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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