it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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