You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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