Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
