They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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