She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
