Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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