Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
