I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
