He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
