they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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