When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
