The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
