i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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