im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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