If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
