Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
