she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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