just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
