i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
