please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Houston, we have a blender
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
