Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
