So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
