If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
