Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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