i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
