The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
