Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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