Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
