Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
