Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
