there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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