I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
