I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
