Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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