Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
