my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
