Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
