were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
