it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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