You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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