You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
