ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
