his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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