i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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