It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
