Just fell off a train. Bad.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
