Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
