I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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