never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
