for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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