been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
