Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Yo dont text me then not text me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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