is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We don't watch enough power rangers
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
